I’ve had a number of half-finished posts sitting on my computer for a while, and today I figured out why I haven’t hit publish. Directly after the election, a flurry of mostly online activity surrounded me as people attempted to direct their very real emotions into more concrete actions. I joined a couple of Facebook groups aimed at getting liberals together to share stories, bounce ideas off of each other, and keep vigilant. Podcasts I follow, many of which come from liberal-leaning journalistic websites, suggested ideas for dealing with the upcoming four years. I donated money and subscribed to news sources. Friends posted daily reminders not to normalize the behavior and I dutifully read the posted links. In the sea of activity, I still felt like I couldn’t keep up with everything that was happening. Worse, I started to notice that conspiracy theories seemed awfully convincing, and parts of reality seemed more like fiction.

Trump hasn’t even been inaugurated and I’m starting to look back on all of the ways been processing the election result. I no longer feel hope in the comradery of mid-November. Instead, I feel an ever-present anxiety that isn’t just because of Trump. It all begins with him, of course, but I’m on edge because of the frenetic activity of some of the groups, the jumping to conclusions of some media organizations, and the gnawing anxiety of instability.

I don’t fault anyone for speaking out, for trying things even if they don’t work, or for sharing information. Knowledge is power, and a lot of us feel that part of what caused Trump to win was some amount of complacency on the left that doesn’t exist on the right. But I have a lot of problems with the conservative media landscape, and I have no desire to be part of something similar that happens to share my political views. This is by no means a condemnation of well-meaning liberals or news organizations. We’re all existing in what may very well end up being a new world, and the rules are changing.

Today, I was scrolling through Facebook and paused at a link from one of the groups I joined in November, discussing the Women’s March on Pittsburgh on Inauguration Day. It was focused on the lack of inclusivity and intersectionality surrounding the march, and addressed the notion that good intentions do not make up for other deficiencies. I ran into the same issue right after Election Day when people started wearing safety pins – it was more naïve and condescending than helpful.

A light bulb went off. I haven’t posted for a number of reasons, but mostly because I’ve been very uneasy about sending my words into the world without their being fully formed. I’m full of good intentions, but there’s a lot out there to address, and those good intentions are not nearly enough. I’ve seen people jump to conclusions, news organizations fall for pranks and satire, and well-meaning actions be exposed as naïve and condescending. If I’m adding my voice to the noise, I want it to be thoughtful and, if it can’t exactly be helpful, I hope it can at least not be the opposite.